Monday, July 13, 2009
stupidity - it knows no bounds.
:
stupid people are everywhere. like for example -
http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?t=63861 and http://sgcafe.com/showthread.php?t=63690
but well, not like im complaining about that. its just an example. so, allen is pissed off now. and he's kinda annoying me. the multiple spam of "fucks" are annoying me. and danny is emoing cuz allen is depressing him even further. this is so screwed up.
and now i dont know what to do. its annoying. its irritating. my head hurts.
fuck this shit. i should go around killing fuckin stupid people. stupid people should just die. like seriously, NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING DAMN ABOUT U FUCKIN STUPID PEOPLE. GET A FUCKING LIFE.
...
on a side note,
planning to cosplay raiden from metal gear solid. it'd be my biggest project so far, appart from granado espada and grimmjow.
going to check out the hard ware store near my house tomorrow morning. is trying to find the bots they use on the helmets of motorbikes to make the visor move. i hope they sell em.
after i get that, i'd head over to art friend or something to buy plastic for the visor and craft foam for the rest of the stuff.
i'll need to find my dad's motorbike helmet for prototyping.
... well, danny has stopped crying. thats good. at least my head doesnt hurt now. and im guessing allen has chilled down too.
ah. i shouldnt get worked up now. i should prolly stop reading the stupid complaint thread anymore. their stupidity is just... .... indescribable. and it makes allen pissed off. which is bad. so... yeah.
now im getting hungry. i should probably find something to eat.
hm.
well then... ciaoz.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 9:50 PM
Thursday, July 02, 2009
the flowers... they're withering away.
:
i cant draw recently. i dont know why. they all look so ugly. maybe i should try again later. but whats the use though. it doesnt matter anymore.
i dunno.
i got the chance to come out. i probably should be happy. but im not.
i hear voices.
she's telling me to stop.
they want me to go back.
why? i dont want to. its nice to be out once in awhile. at least i get to see the world. but they're dragging me back. they're not pleased. why?
do they hate me so much?
allen hates me. i know he does.
but the rest of them dont... do they?
we're still partially fused. i can sense some of their thoughts.
this is so weird. i feel like im not myself anymore. its like im getting eaten up slowly. its like... im slowly fading away. i dont want that. i want to be here. i want to.............
i dont know what i want.
i dont know.
allen is messing with my thoughts.
damn it, he should fucking stop.
argh. now i sound like him. what the hell.
...............
i should probably go now. allen's getting mad.
~danny;;
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 1:58 AM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
... not again.
:
Shit. Its happening again.
Why. Why. What the fuck did I do wrong? Nothing. I didn't do anything. Why. Screw this shit.
Voices. I hear them again. My mind is gonna burst. Too much. Its all too much. Stop talking. All of you. Just shut it. Shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Why did you all unfuse again? Why. Damn it. I thought we made a vow.
Now its back to this mixed up time once again. I don't know what happened this morning. I don't know anything. Its pitch black. Why. Why did this happen? What the fuck did I do wrong?
Not again.
Not again.
Please tell me this ain't happening. Please.......
Stop.
Just stop. It hurts. My mind is going on overdrive. My heart feels numb all over again.
You liar. You said you would take away the pain. Not everything else. Now I feel so numb. So numb... There ain't nothing left inside of me. Feelings...? You took em all away. Screw you.
But fuck it hurts...
I don't get it. Why am I like this? Why. I thought we were fused.
Blood. I need blood.
Whose? ...
I don't know... I don't know anything. Stop asking me questions. Stop. Just stop dammit. I can't take it anymore. I want to die. Let me die. Please let me die.
But...
I wouldn't dare.
Nor would I want to.
I thought I've already found a goal? I thought I had sworn to work towards that goal. But now, don't you think it's all meaningless?
Why.
It doesn't hurt so much now. Or is it just me? Is my heart dead? I think it is. Its been long gone. I'm guessing... you took it away and replaced it with a fake one instead.
Screw you all, you guys suck.
Damn it all. Why has it come down to this again? Why is it happening again? I don't want it to. Please stop. Stop this insanity. I want it all to end. I'm begging you all. Just stop. Stop for our sake. Or don't you all care anymore? Aren't we one whole? Aren't we together in this?
No...?
I don't know. I don't know anymore. I'm confused. I want this all to end. Shall I die? Isn't it less painful that way? Torture. Stop the torture.
I pretend that I'm alright. I pretend that I'm happy. But I'm not. These emotions, they're all fake.
You took em all away. Its your fault.
Yes, I laugh, I smile. But damn it, it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel real.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't fuckin know. Stop asking me questions. Just go away. Leave me alone. I need to be alone. I need to think. I need to listen. I need to speak. I need to die. Death is the best possible solution. I need to die. I want to die.
Fucking hell. Screw your god. Screw jesus christ. Stop shoving your ideas to others. Stop forcing people to believe. Stop your stupid nonsense of how we should live. Stop trying to controll us, cuz bloody hell, you sure as fuck can't convert us all. And hell, I don't believe. I don't fuckin believe all your crap.
Look at where the shit got us to. You still want us to believe you? Damn you. Acting all high and mighty. Like you are better than us. Well, fuck, you're not.
No...
Why...
I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want it like this. No. No.... Please stop this insanity.
I want to live as a normal human being. I didn't want to realise all this. I wanted happiness. But you took em all away.
I've never felt so cold before...
So numb. Nothing else exists in my world except darkness. Loneliness. Nothingness. Why can't you see that? You can't help me. Don't act like you can. You can't save me. Its over. Its all over. Its been decided from the start. Liar. You stupid liar.
Why wasn't I oblivious to the facts? Why did I see past it all? I didn't want to believe. I didn't want to. Really. I wanted to hide behind lies. All those filthy, stupid lies.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
But you shouldn't feel sorry for us all. You're one of us after all.
But still, I'm sorry.
Its not your fault. Really.
... Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 3:19 AM
Friday, June 05, 2009
the year is 2018
:
been quite long since i last posted. watched terminator salvation recently. and heck. the effects were cool and all, but i still have to say one thing, which i usually say about many movies which i watched before - GAY.
yes, the show was gay. i swear. i fuckin swear to god, john connor was gay for marcus. and marcus was gay for him too.
proof :
1. why the fuck would john go SO DAMN CLOSE to marcus? like, the part where they tied up marcus cuz they thought he was an enemy. then john was like GOING SO DAMNED CLOSE FACE TO FACE WITH MARCUS.
2. why did marcus promise to help john to find his "father"? he had no connections with john what so ever. he didnt know john at all. and john even 'wanted' to kill him. yes, 'wanted'. cuz we all know he is gay for marcus and would never really kill the guy.
3. why did marcus save john frm the terminator? ya know, that part where john and the terminator were fighting one on one. marcus just HAD to save john by fighting with the terminator himself. HE JUST HAD TO. and he had no reasons what so ever that FORCED him to do so. so he did it willingly.
4. why did john choose to revive marcus? i mean, the terminator was THERE. it could have KILLED him if he didnt revive marcus fast enough. he took the risk. and furthermore, what reasons does he have to revive marcus in the first place? none! so yes, as i said, gay.
5. and the best one, why the fuck did marcus give john his heart? again, he had no reason what so ever to do it. no one was forcing him. and he HAPPILY gave john his heart sayin he deserves a 'second chance' and shit. yes, second chance to be TOGETHER WITH JOHN. second chance indeed.
6. oh and, the part where before they took out marcus's heart. yes, the part where john looks over to marcus and marcus looks over to john. YES. THAT. so cutely gay.
conclusion, they are gay.
i rest my case.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 1:41 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
friends..? life..?
:
friends are no more than people who you spend the enjoyable, yet meaningless time with. friends are just there for you, yet they arent really
there for you. friends are always there to share happy memories, but they aren't there when you really need help the most.
you cant help me... can you?
help me...
save me...
by killing me...
you cant. you wouldnt. liar. liar. its all just a lie. just an illusion.
forever friends? theres no such thing. stop lying. start seeing, start believing in things you never thought possible. only then, will you see the real truth. the world is rotting. itd once again come to an end, and start a new beginning.
lies.
deciet.
illusions.
why did i see past them all? why wasnt i oblivious to the truth? if i was, wouldnt life be happier? much more happier... but meaningless. but isnt life just to be happy? be happy for that one moment in time... and let it all disappear after you die. isnt that what life is about? happiness. no? no? .... than what is it? experience life... how do you do it? by being happy.. isnt that right? whats the use of finding out the truth and ending up hurting yourself even more?
you cant help me.
dont act like you can.
dont act like you know me.
you dont.
you fuckin dont.
........................
messed up.
this mixed up time...
someone help me...
help me...
rescue me...
rette mich...
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 3:29 PM
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
song lyrics... huh.
:
well. after readin someone postin their song lyrics on sgcafe...
i decided.
heck, why not post some of mine here?
soooooooooo... go away kiddies if you're readin it nao~
in any case, yoroshikuonegaishimasu.
JUST DIEi can't hear
i can't see
stop it stop it
don't come near me
i couldn't find
the holy light
that you said could lead me home
i can't hear
i can't see
stop what you're doin'
get the fuck away from me
and
DIE! why can't you all motherfuckers just DIE?!
you fuckin' motherfuckers just DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!!!!!!
i can't hear
i can't see
stop it stop it
i ain't crazy
i couldn't feel
the love you said could set me free
so
DIE! why can't you all motherfuckers just DIE?!
you fuckin' motherfuckers just DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!!!!!!
why is the world corroding badly
why is everyone so uncarin'
why is the world deteriatin'
why
why
why
why
why!!!!!!
why don't they care?
why don't they give a fuck about the world...
and how...
its gonna...
end...
'cause well i want you all to
DIE! why can't you all motherfuckers just DIE?!
you fuckin' motherfuckers just DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!
DIE!!!!!!well... yeah. ... meh. shall post moar soon.
anyway, nothin interestin happenin so far...
cept cosfest is comin, cant wait ! xD
and uh... www.talkingcock.com rulez.
but anyway, yesterday read a fuckin ghost story
FUCKIN SCARY
...
heng bo nightmare .___.
o well
shemhamforash. hail satan.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 1:49 PM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
idiocy.
:
so. im bored now and im emo-ish. what do i do ? think of random shit and get MORE emo. idiotic aint it.
i wish i could stop pretending. stop... stop...
if i could i would. but life isnt fair. nothing is... nothing...
nothing happens.
time passes.
when did it start? when will it end?
it doesnt matter anymore.
why?
why does the world exist in the past nothingness that the universe once was?
it shouldnt happen... nothing ever did...
but why?
why do we do what we do?
why do we feel?
when did it start? when will it end?
it doesnt matters anymore.
round and round the clock hand moves.
it never stops till it runs out of fuel.
always counting the seconds passing,
always forgeting previous happenings.
it never stops till its life runs out,
and when it does, seconds are lost, memories stop forming.
when did it start? when will it stop?
it doesnt matter anymore.
the world shall one day perish
everything shall come to an end
but is the end really an end? or just a new beginning?
it doesnt matter anymore.
...
bloodshed. death. killed.
the killer bears the burdern alone.
or so he thinks.
his first kill, regreted.
locked himself away from the world, regretting.
though in shines a light.
opening his eyes to the world once again.
the rain,
it washed away the blood on the battle field.
the past lost,
eradicated by the storm.
alone he was, once again,
making his journey to where ever he deemed worthy.
alone he was, once again,
another man killed, slain by his hands.
alone he was once again,
sitting in a corner of a dark room.
alone he was once again,
regretting his actions, regretting his deeds.
alone he was once again,
hating the world for despising him so.
alone he was once again,
holding his weapon in his hands.
alone he was once again,
staring at the blood filled land.
though the light appears,
and the rain washes the blood away.
he was thankful, and continued on his journey.
alone he was, once again.
...
i dont fuckin know what im typing anymore. *dies*
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 3:17 AM
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
liek wow im back.
:
so long never update liaos... cuz well. there's nothin worth updating. meh.
im sick n bored now. so. bah.
giddy like fuck.
man, i cant even THINK properly. its like im drunk or something. or. meh. whutever.
i cant form coherrent(sp?) sentences. nor can i spell properly .__.ll
so..
fuck sickness. fuck fever. fuck flu. fuck cough. fuck giddiness. fuck it all.
bah. currently obsessed with teh band tokio hotel. their songs are nice. gotta learn german soon man. and japanese also. and uh italian maybe.
bah.
hey lets learn indian seriously. wtf is indian? it aint no fuckin language.
darn. im talkin to myself again.
i feel dumb.
bah.
anyway.
plans for cosplay :
cosfest - gokudera from hitman reborn (idk which day srsly)
natsu matsuri - wear yukata
afa - oz from pandora hearts (idk which day too)
eoy - seiran from saiunkoku monogatari
then for year 2010
soy - nataku from saiyuki ... maybe. still not sure.
cosfest day 1 - gokudera from hitman reborn
cosfest day 2 - judas from tales of destiny
streetfest - gokudera from hitman reborn
afa - agito from air gear
eoy - gokudera from hitman reborn
...
shit. i think i left something out. idk whut is it tho. meh. and maybe cosplayin dante for year 2011 / 2012 hasnt confirm.
meh.
so many events doin gokudera.
darn.
must cosplay hidan sometime too. idk when tho. bah. see how. making props is <333
yaoi makes the world go round~
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 11:00 AM
Sunday, March 15, 2009
hah. another blogskin . kei is bored.
:
Yeah. I did another blogskin. Cuz I'm now bored as heck cuz I just finished watching 'Monster' today. Fuckin' awesum anime. Johan Liebert is now my idol. I don't care. He's fuckin' awesum. So yes, I am fangirling over him now. Heck, Tenma x Johan reminds me of Severus Snape x Draco Malfoy. Seriously. I think that's why I find Johan hot - cuz he looks like Draco. I dunno why tho'. Must have some kind of weird fetish for blonde haired, pale skinned guys who have a abusive past/childhood/whutever. Hmm. I dunno. Must be the looks. They look hot. Somehow. I have weird taste now STFU. Tho' I was kinda wondering, why do Johan and Draco look hot to me when they dun have liek, fringe coverin' like half their face. Seriously. They look hot even WITHOUT the fringe coverin' half their face. But of course, they look HOTTER WITH THE FRINGE. ... Meh. As I said, I have weird tastes.
Oh and the blogskin is titled #511 cuz of well, if you watch Monster ya'll know. 511 Kinderhiem, Johan's orphanage. The place sounded awesum. Human experiments for the win.
Meh. I can't find Monster yaoi fanfic out there. I NEED YAOI . Like, Suk x Johan, Tenma x Johan, Lunge x Tenma, Lunge x Johan ... ANYTHIN'. D8 I just want yaoi. Well, Suk x Johan x Tenma is my OT3 but anyway, anythin' is fine really. Cuz I can't find any. Mybe I shall write some. Sometime. ... Yeah, sometime.
Either way, I'm bored as heck now. Stopped watching Naruto Shippuuden for awhile, partially cuz Kumby is kinda fuckin' up on me. But then again... -sigh- . I shall watch whose line is it anyway now... -skips off-
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 5:43 PM
Monday, March 09, 2009
mixed up time...
:
Its weird. After doing my research, I have concluded that I, indeed, have multiple personalities. Now I understand what the voices were. I finally understand a part of me. Some people may not believe me, thinking that I'm too stressed or shit like that. But I'm very sure, that I indeed do have multiple personalities. Even some of my friends agree with me. But I'm sure they don't really understand. No one does. How can someone understand me when I don't even understand myself? That's utter bullshit.
So after talking to myself -or one of my personalities- I found out his name was Chris. He said he was the one who was keeping me company in school or whenever I was bored. Though he was not the only one. I asked him if he knew the others, but he didn't. I don't know if I'm decieving myself or not, but from what I experience, I can conclude I certainly am not.
Chris likes instrumental music which are soothing and sad at the same time. He may be color blind, cuz everything he shows me is in black and white. He likes drawing stuff and shading them. I should really ask him to draw something for me sometime. His sketches are nice, even though its only in black and white.
He mopes alot, and is sad most of the time. I thought he may be the one which was always telling me things that people would normally classify as 'insane' but he said he wasn't the one.
I trust him.
Chris is a nice guy.
I certainly hope I'm not insane.
Chris says hi. 'Kei, stop blogging... It'd make people think you're crazy,' or so he says.
...
Though people with multiple personalities ain't considered insane. They are more of considered mentally ill. Or some shit like that.
I don't really care.
... I wanna know more of the 'people' who are sharing the same body as me. I wanna know myself better.
Chris likes cookies.
And I do too.
shemhamforash. hail satan.
- regie satans! ave satans! hail satan! - 10:49 PM
